The Truth Of Your Identity

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If you’re new here, my name is Laura King and I write this weekly newsletter to help you…

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What a Plastic Surgeon Can Teach Us About Identity

Have you ever heard of Maxwell Maltz?

He was one of the first to popularize this idea of the self-image.

In many ways, he's the "father" of the self-help industry as we know it today. But he wasn't a psychologist. He wasn't a therapist. He wasn't a pastor.

He was a plastic surgeon, and he made a fascinating discovery.

Maltz was on a mission to change lives with his scalpel.

He was fascinated by the life transformation that someone could experience by simply removing a scar. Suddenly, they would become a new person with a whole new lease on life.

But it didn't always work.

Some patients would transform, but others would be disappointed, even furious with him.

Even if he executed his task perfectly, they would insist that nothing changed. Friends and family would say they looked great, but the patient insisted they still looked the same.

This is when he made his discovery.

It wasn't his scalpel that changed people's lives.

It was their self-image.

After the operation, some people saw themselves in a whole new light. Their self-image was completely transformed. But others' self-images remained perfectly intact. That’s when he started helping his patients with more than just plastic surgery.

The good news for us?

You don't have to undergo surgery to change your self-image.

All you need is the truth.

3 Steps to Reshape Your Self-Image

Step 1: Know Your Story

I was recently leading a workshop speaking on the stories we tell ourselves. 

A man (let's call him Joe) stood up and boldly shared that the first line in his story, his self-image, is that he is lost and confused. This stemmed from a moment in his early childhood when his dad abandoned his family. As a 7-year-old, he felt lost and confused, wondering why dad left and what he did to cause it (nothing).

For decades, Joe carried this belief about himself, and it was impacting his work.

The first step in reshaping your self-image is knowing your noun. For Joe, it was "lost" and "confused". What's yours? What's the first noun in the first line of your story? Fill in the blank…

"I am ____."

Step 2: Challenge Your Story 

After a few conversations with Joe, I knew this story of being “lost and confused” was total nonsense. 

I asked him to turn around and face his colleagues. I wanted him to hear how they saw him. And you know what? They painted a completely different picture. His colleagues stood up and described him as competent, clear-headed, a problem-solver, and someone they always turned to for answers.

Doesn’t sound like Joe is lost and confused to me.

It sounds like he’s the go-to person to help people solve problems.

This is crucial: We need to challenge our self-imposed identities, which are often completely out of sync with reality. Once you know your noun, ask yourself: Is this really true?

Better yet, ask the people who know you best. You might be surprised by what you hear.

Step 3: Embrace the "As If" Principle

Once you've identified a more accurate, empowering identity, it's time to start living it. 

This is the "as if" principle. If you want to be something or have a quality, act as if you already have it.

For Joe, this might mean confidently stepping into meetings and offering solutions without second-guessing himself. The key is to behave as if this new identity is already true of you.

This isn’t about “faking it til you make it”. It’s about living into the truth, instead of living from the lies you believe about yourself. 

Why This Matters

You can never outperform a bad self-image.

Your identity is the running program for how you interact with others, how you see the world, and how you present yourself as a human being. Every limitation flows from identity, and every limitation removed flows from identity.

Your action step for this week:

I want you to do a simple exercise.

Text a few friends or colleagues that know you well and ask them how they see you. Ask them what they believe your #1 gift is. 

And get ready to receive the truth. 

Remember, you have a choice about who you are. You can continue to live from old stories and outdated beliefs, or you can embrace the truth of who you actually are.