The Path To Freedom

Sep 27

"Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it." -Maya Angelou

It's nearly impossible to escape the constant barrage of opportunities for comparison these days. In a world where social media often showcases the highlight reels of others, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to those around us. We scroll, we like, we envy. It seems almost automatic. Even when we step away from the social media vortex, opportunities for comparison await us in workplace conversations, family gatherings, or casual outings with friends. The cycle is incessant, the pressure palpable. Yet, have you ever paused to consider the cost of this relentless comparison on your pathway to being your true self?

While it may seem like a harmless habit, comparison can slowly erode our self-esteem, limit our potential, and prevent us from living authentic, fulfilling lives. In the quest for self-discovery and personal fulfillment, comparison can be a significant roadblock that steals our joy and impedes our growth. It's a constant battle to remind ourselves that our worth isn't determined by how we stack up against others but rather by how true we are to ourselves.

I have been learning (and re-learning) this lesson the hard way.

Ever ignored your intuition? How did that end up?

My first job out of college was at Target headquarters. I knew in the interviews it wasn't the right fit, but I accepted an impressive (back in the day, 2005) $48,000 offer in October of my senior year at Madison. Everyone reinforced it was the right (in other words, PRACTICAL) decision, so I ignored my intuition.

BTW, my gut was SCREAMING at me during the interviews, “this is not right, this is not right, this is not right”

Fast-forward nine months, and I feel like I’m in business school again. In this environment, we are peers competing against peers, which is a breeding ground for comparison and self-doubt.

I was on a mission to “be the best” Business Analyst at Target, studying manuals late into the night to prove my knowledge, but it didn't come naturally, and I didn't enjoy it. I then had a terrifying panic attack. I slipped into a very dark depression after that. For months I barely left my apartment or saw anyone. I barely remember being able to leave my room, much less leave the apartment. Medication and therapy helped me function to 50% of my normal capacity. But it took a long time for my sunny disposition to return. It was one of the darkest times of my life. I was a shell of myself and had little to no hope for the future.

Looking back, I can see how much of my anxiety and depression stemmed from constantly comparing myself to others and feeling like I didn't measure up. I was trying to force myself into a mold that didn't fit, all because I thought it was what I was supposed to do, what would make me look successful in the eyes of others. But in the process, I lost touch with my own needs, my own desires, and my own sense of self.

A friend encouraged me to read a book entitled "Do What You Are" which led me to explore human resources. I found a recruiting coordinator role, which entailed calling people and booking interviews for the 3 recruiters I was supporting. It was highly administrative and process-oriented. I started to get my mojo back. I enjoyed talking to people and eavesdropping on interviews the recruiters around me were having. Nine months later, I was promoted to a recruiter position, which was still $15,000 less than my job at Target. I didn’t care. I was in learning mode, and it felt right. I was doing something better suited to my personality that brought less stress. I was listening to my intuition and knew it was closer to me than a BA.

At Target, I hit rock bottom because I was stuck in a comparison and competing mentality. And I didn't even like the job! That was the most maddening part. Why did I let myself care so much about what others thought? Why did I let my parents and other voices tell me this was the right path when, deep down inside, I knew it wasn't? It took my mind and body to shut down on me before I realized I needed to take control to find work aligned with my true self.

And guess what, this same pattern has repeated itself several other times in my life.

I get caught up in what I think I need to be to be “worthy” in others' eyes.

The quicker you explore what intrinsically interests you, the sooner you'll find your path to purpose. Sometimes, the path to that may not even be obvious. For example, my friend started drawing birds just for fun, which led to her creating a children's book and product line that is 100% fueled by her passion. It’s not her main job. It’s a hobby that has turned into a business. So perhaps don't start something with a ton of pressure that you need to make it your full-time job, or even something that you need to make money off of. As Joseph Campbell taught us, "Follow your bliss," as you never know where it may lead.

Most importantly, don't compare your journey to anyone else's. Your path is uniquely yours. You don’t need to have the answers to start—you just need to start.

Here’s a good place to start: self-reflection. Pen and paper:

Flow Moments:

· Think about when you were so absorbed in an activity that you lost track of time. What were you doing?

Current Passions:

· What topics, activities, or tasks currently excite you the most?

Childhood Curiosities:

· What activities or subjects fascinated you as a child?

Compliments and Recognition:

· What do people often praise you for? Are there any skills or qualities that others frequently recognize in you?

Ideal Day Visualization:

· If you could design your perfect day, what would you spend your time doing? How much of that reflects your natural gifts and interests?

Happy reflecting!